What Strippers Do
by DanieLovesYou
Summary: Sequel to A DAY WITH THE BOYS! Yes Zachary Goode is back and better than ever, now everything should be Goode with the Circle outta sight but there's one problem. He has to go back to Blackthorne. And yes it is a comedy. One crazy ass comedy.
1. Chapter 1

**Yea, I know. It finally came! So first off I want to thank all my readers and reviewers and alert people. Because of you I have decided to let this story out a little bit earlier. But remember, I do have a life now and I have three stories so there's no telling when I'll be able to write, but I try my hardest.**

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><p><strong>What Strippers Do<strong>

Zach POV.

I walked into the Blackthorne Institute for Boys wondering what had happened here in the year I had left.

Yes it was officially senior year for me and my classmates.

But things are different now. Because Blackthorne is no longer an assassin school, now it was a spy school.

And that meant it was officially okay for me to come back.

With Cammie.

Yes, over the past year Cammie and I both found answers that we needed so much. She stayed behind and talked to the security guards.

I walked in with the same backpack over my shoulder.

And Jesus must hate me because right there was a bunch of Blackthorne boys crowded around two guys shouting.

"I'm sorry I don't know all of y'all problems!"

"Did you just say that in a country accent? Are you making fun of Liz?"

"And what if I did? What are you gonna do? Hit me with your calculator?"

"Don't tempt me."

Another voice interjected and I could sense movement inside the sea of boys.

"Both of you! Calm your tits!"

"What the hell Nick? Guys don't have boobs!"

"Guys have boobs, they're just smaller. Now everyone clear out, you got nothing to see here!"

The boys quickly dispersed and I came face to face with my worst nightmare.

LOL JK. It was just my friends.

"Zach?" Chase asked speaking for the first time, "Is that your face? I missed your face!" He yelled and threw me down to the floor.

"Chase you know the rules, no rape before lunch." Grant said walking up extending a hand to me, one I accepted.

Cammie walked in after I had explained everything to them and we exchanged a few sort of sexual hugs.

I pulled my arm around Cammie and watched Chase's confused expression.

"Dude, what the fuck? What about Cammie?" he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Fuck Cammie! What about me?" Nick asked crossing his arms. I gave him a look that said _I'll castrate you._

"Guys," I said pulling Cammie closer, "This is Cammie."

"No, no. That can't be Cammie; because if she was he'd be on his knees," Sean said with a smirk.

"Is that your way of saying he gives her blow jobs?" Grant asked confused.

My eyes widened at the thought of bowing down to a woman. I glared at all of them. (The blow job thing is totally true so…)

Cammie, who had until this time, was blushing, leaned up and said, "Play nice."

Like I was some kind of animal.

Okay I can see where she's coming from, but still.

Now, one would think that after being gone for a year your friends would miss you so much, they'd never stop hugging (or kissing in Nick's case) you.

That doesn't apply to boys.

No, all my friends hugged Cammie and thanked her for making me a little less of a jackass and for making me leave so they would have a nice year.

Cammie, being the adorable thing she is, just smiled and accepted their hugs.

Home sweet home.

"So Cammie, is Zach goode in bed?"

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><p><strong>SO I WANT EVERYONE TO READ THIS RIGHT HERE: <strong>

**If there is anything in this story that offends you in any way, it is not on purpose and my most thoughtful apologies. I do not mean to offend anyone on their race, ethnicity, age, hair color, skin color, the way they talk or dress, or anything of that matter. It is purely fro comedy and was not written to intentionally hurt anyone.**

**With that being said**

**I want everyone to have a goode night and rest up cause more crazy shit is gonna happen. I really have little ideas of where this is gonna go so please tell me what you want to see.**

**With Beauty and Herpes,**

**Danie  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I walked into my old room, only to find some bitch on my bed.

"Who _the fuck_ are you?" I asked through gritted teeth.

He looked up from his history book and glared, "Who the fuck _are you_?"

"I asked first!"

"I asked second!"

I tried to lunge at him but Chase held me back, "Jesus Christ Zach, pipe it the fuck down!"

"Aw hell no. Don't tell me what to do! _Don't _tell me _what to fucking do!_" I screamed back.

"This looks like an episode Housewives of Beverly Hills," Nick whispered to no one.

"It's more like Glee," Grant commented.

The boy who was chilling on my bed got up, and held his hand up and said, "Bitch pause. How can you come in here, pretending you're some fucking model and that you get to order everyone the fuck around? You take your ass down a notch. I'm not dealing with your shit right now."

"See? I told you," Sean said to Chase.

"Told what?" I asked.

Sean turned to me, "That every person has an inner flamboyant gay man."

"Who the fuck was that?" I said to Grant, ignoring Sean's comment.

Grant looked for a loss of words, but Jonas answered, "That's Grayson DiMarco. Head Cheerleader, Homecoming King, and part-time model."

Grayson crossed his arms, "Okaaaay, bitch. Let me tell you how things work around here."

"I already know how things work around here!" I screamed.

He huffed, "Fine, but know this: I don't like you."

I turned away, "I feel indifferent towards you."

There was silence until Nick spoke, "I can't believe you guys just quoted Most Popular Girls in School."

"I'm Grayson," the dude said extending his hand.

"Zach," I said taking his hand.

"Oh I know you, you're Nick's boyfriend right?" he asked.

I slowly turned to Nick.

He gave me a weak smile and took off running.

"You better run bitch!" I yelled, coming after him.

And that's how I ended up chasing Nick through the halls of Blackthorne. I'm pretty sure we knocked over a group of freshmen, but they were freshmen, so who really cares?

Finally, I started to catch up to him just as we reached the headmaster's door.

Hearing the raucous, the headmaster slams the door open which (of course) Nick runs straight into.

And of course because I'm a good friend, I burst out laughing which makes the head master notice me as well.

"Zachary Goode?" he asked in disbelief.

"The one and only," was my smartass reply.

"Both of you sons of bitches, in my office. Right now." He yelled, getting the attention of everyone in the hallway, including Cammie who was talking to Solomon.

I smirked at her and sauntered into the office, Nick behind me with a bleeding nose.

"Alright boys, I want to know. Why are you causing a fuckery in my school?" the head master, Dr. Kim, said.

"Nick called me his boyfriend," I accused, pointing to Nick.

Dr. Kim gave me an 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me-look and said, "What the fuck? Are you a fucking homophobe or some shit?"

I tried to interrupt him, but he cut me off.

"What kind of fucking shit are you trying to pull here, Goode? You think this is a fucking joke? Do you know how fucking long it took to get the other boys to accept Nick? What the shit Goode?"

I struggled for words, "Wait, what? Nick, are you actually gay?"

"Yeah, bro. We talked about this before. I'm gay." He answered.

"We had an assembly," Dr. Kim interjected.

"I never knew this," I said and continued, "and I'm not a homophobe. I just thought you were straight."

"Well, I'm not," was Nick's clever remark.

"Plot Twist," I whispered to myself.

"You're not gonna stop being my friend are you?" Nick asked with this said look in his eyes.

I laughed, "You're never getting rid of me."

"Both of you, shut the fuck up. You both have detention. And if your motherfucking ass skips, I'll rain hell on you," and with that Dr. Kim kicked us out of his office.

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><p><strong>I fear that this story may turn into an episode of glee. <strong>**Oh dear god.**

**And if any of you have noticed I quoted Most Popular Girls in School.**

**IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS, THEN YOU MUST.**

**Trisha is my spirit animal. So please watch MPGiS, it's amazing and so damn funny. Let me know if you have.**

**Prepare yourselves children, the craziness of this story now and today.**

**Danie**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"And ten points to Zachary Goode for getting detention on his first day back."

"Shut up," I said.

"You got detention?" Cammie asked, taking a seat next to me.

"Just minor stuff," I answered, she gave me a suspicious look, one which I ignored.

We sat in the new cafeteria. Cammie, Grant, and I were just having lunch when a tired looking Jonas walked in.

"You look tired Jonas, what happened?" Cammie asked Jo.

He grunted and grabbed a bagel, grunted again and said, "Nick. Singing. Whitney. Motherfucking Houston."

"Ew," that was Grant's response.

"Wait, Nick can sing?" Cammie asked taking a bite of her toast.

"No," Grant, Jonas and I said. Okay so Jonas screamed it.

"He can't fucking sing. He never has been able to. And he should never do it again," Jonas growled out.

"Well, someone's grumpy in the morning," Grant smirked.

And that's how a buttered bagel ended up on Grant's face this morning.

"If I break out into acne, I swear to every God that I will murder you Jonas Anderson."

"I'm terrified," Jonas responded in the most bored and blunt tone possible.

Deciding to pretend like they weren't going to rip each other apart, I turned to Cammie. "Don't worry, this is a usual thing," I told her. She nodded her head just as Sean ran into the lunch room. He sat down letting out a dreamy sigh.

After a few more loud and annoying dreamy sighs, Sean finally realized that we didn't give a fuck.

"Guys, I have something important to say," he yelled effectively shutting up the whole cafeteria. After the noise had resumed he let out another dreamy sigh and said, "I think I'm in love."

I subconsciously wrapped an arm around Cam's shoulders but Jonas made the asshole remark.

"Is it you and Nick? Because I totally shipped that."

"What's a ship?" Cammie whispered to me.

I shook my head, "It's a tumblr thing." Her mouth formed an 'O', but I'm pretty sure she didn't even know what tumblr was.

Meanwhile, Sean gave Jonas a nasty glare and Grant just peed himself laughing.

"No, I mean I met someone," Sean said, "a girl, actually."

"Well did you ask her out?" Jonas asked.

He scratched the back of his head and stuttered nervously, "Well, I didn't exactly get the chance to."

"Well did you get her number?" Grant asked.

"Well, I didn't exactly get her number either," he mumbled.

I sighed, "Jesus Christ, Sean did you even talk to her?"

"We had like eye contact. I think that counts," he said.

Amidst this, Chase snuck up behind us and sat down, effectively making Jonas scream in bloody murder.

"Are lunches always like this?" Cam asked.

"Pretty much," was my answer.

"What's up?" Chase asked.

"Jonas's pissed, Sean's in love, and I'm pretty sure Grant's just wet himself," I said.

"That's it?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh and Nick just came out of the closet."

Chase shrugged, "Can't say I didn't call it."

We all nodded our heads.

"I think him and Alex James should get together," Grant said.

"Oh my god, yes," I said in agreement.

"Then it's settled," Sean yelled and then when he realized that he got the whole cafeteria's attention (again) he whispered, "We're gonna bring them together."

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><p><strong>Guys, this chapter took much longer than it should have. It was so hard <em>not <em>to quote MPGiS or curse as much as I usually do (as per request).**

**I also have a tumblr now (I'm so with technology and social networks) it's called the " "  
><strong>

**I post Gallagher girls among other crap. **

**oh and one more thing**

**...**

_**THE LAST GALLAGHER BOOK COMES OUT ON MY BIRTHDAY.**_

**Guys, I have lost my ability to even. I just.. ugh.**

**I'm gonna go cry now,**

**Danie**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"So tell me about the girl you saw," I said to Sean. We were on our way to Advanced Calculus when I decided to bring it up.

Cue another dreamy sigh. Goddamn.

"She was one of those girls you could forget, but remember at the same time. Like, you wouldn't notice her unless you got a good look, and when you did, you can't forget her."

"Sounds complicated," was my sarcastic response.

"She had dark hair and bangs, and she had those kinds of dark eyes that hold a billion secrets."

"Interesting."

"Kind of like yours," he shrugged and I gave him a weird look.

I'm starting to understand why so many gay rumors flew around.

"Was she a spy?" I asked after a few minutes of REALLY awkward silence.

"Yes, most definitely, she even had a comms in her ear."

"Well," I dragged, "if she's a spy then there's a chance that you'll see her again."

I can't explain the hopeful look Sean got. It was like someone told him he was getting a puppy. And no, not one of those grumpy shitty puppies; a cute, happy, fluffy puppy that was adorable as fuck.

"Yeah, you're right. I will see her again," he had this annoying smile on his face before he said, "Don't look at me like that. This is the exact same face you have when you think of Cammie."

Insert smirk here.

"I don't smile," I retorted.

"No, of course not," he smirked, "you grin like a fool."

"I do not."

"You can't see your face, dear Zachary," he said with a smirk.

"Well, if I could see my face then of course I'd grin like a fool. I mean, fucking look at me."

I laughed just to taunt him.

"Don't laugh, asshole," Sean muttered.

I rolled my eyes and in doing so I spotted Alex James.

"Hey Sean," I whispered, "There's Alex James."

Alex James was Blackthorne's resident bad boy. He wore leather and boots and dyed his hair black. In freshmen year he came out of the closet by telling everyone that he though Joe Solomon was hot. And of course that made every other gay guy come out too. Alex James was popular and, I mean, who didn't want the bad boy?

"Shit Zach, he's looking at us. What do we do?" Sean asked in a frantic whisper.

"Sean, be cool. Let's just go up to him and talk," I said and started making my way to Alex James.

"But what if he's mean," Sean whined.

I'm not gonna lie, I had absolutely no idea how to ask Alex if he wanted to out with Nick. But I still have no explanation as to why "You like dick, right?" was the first thing to come out of my mouth.

Sean gave me the what-the-actual-fuck-face and Alex looked shocked and then he laughed.

"Is this your way of coming out? Because if it is, I'm glad I'm the first to know," Alex said with a smirk. My smirk, mind you.

Sean laughed, "Have you seen Zach, he pretty much drags Cammie around. No, he's as straight as they get."

"Then what do you want?" Alex said crossing his arms impatiently.

"Do you know Nick Kern?" I asked.

Alex looked between Sean and me before he said, "The fruity looking kid?"

"I'm not-, I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not-" Sean started.

"But if you're fruity, you're gay, right?" I said to Sean.

"I knew these two girls in middle school who asked everyone if they were fruity." Sean added.

"What the fuck? I swear you two get stupider each time your mouth opens," Alex said, then added, "Nick, he's your friend right? What about him?"

"How would you feel about going on a date with him?" I asked.

Alex James looked beyond pissed.

"Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I'll date any guy. I have fucking standards. I'm not gonna date any guy just cause he's gay. That's some bullshit logic." With that he started walking away, but not before I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"We understand that," Sean said, "but Nick's a great guy and he's never done this before and I think: what's there to lose?"

"Nick's kinda ugly," Alex said.

Sean gasped, "Nick is fucking beautiful. You're an asshole. Fuck you man, fuck you."

And with that we stormed off, empty handed.

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><p><strong>So it's been awhile. I've had writers block for some while and I just. I mean, I can't. I've started a new chapter for this story but soon enough I'll be updating like a motherfucker.<strong>

**And I've started working the sequel for the Burns and it's turning out good. I hope.**

**But I'll start posting that later on during the summer.**

**Lots of Love,**

**Danie**

**P.S. How's your summer? How you doing? I feel like we don't talk much?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"I have this strange craving for Doritos and Nutella. I think I might be pregnant," Chase said.

"You're a dude. It's not possible for you to get pregnant," Jonas said in reply.

Chase snickered, "Wow, thanks, bitch. Way to crush my dreams."

Nick, Chase, Sean, Cammie, Grant, Jonas, and I were lounging around in our room after school.

"Oh my gosh guys, these clothes are so cute," Grant said on his laptop.

"Love Culture?" Jonas asked.

"Love Culture." Grant said in agreement.

"Oh my god, I love Love Culture," I said, dropping down on my bed.

"And I thought I was the gay one," Nick muttered.

"I'm not really sure what happening anymore," Cammie whispered.

"Neither are we!" Sean said flamboyantly.

Although to be fair, the boys and I did have to buy clothes when we went to Gallagher as girl. And Love Culture was the preferred store.

"Are we talking about dressing as girls again, because those times are over," Chase said flipping through his advanced chemistry textbook.

"What?" Cammie said, suddenly interested in the conversation.

"What?" I replied sending a glare to Chase, and I tried desperately to change the topic.

"Okay," Sean started thankfully changing the subject, "Nick don't get mad; but Zach and I were trying to set you up with Alex James."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Nick yelled at us and we all flinched back behind our pillows, "Like hell I want to date that emo looking motherfucker."

Nick looked like someone just set him on fire. He was that red.

"So I guess everything's fine then," I said gently, "cause he called you ugly."

Nick let out an offended gasp and gawked at all of us, "The nerve of this bitch. How fucking dare he? Doesn't he know I'm flawless? That stupid fucking water-marshmallow."

We all shared a confused look. What the hell was a 'water-marshmallow'?

"Did you just call Alex a 'water-marshmallow'?" Chase asked.

"Fuck yea I did."

Nick has never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend for that matter. He's never been on a date. He doesn't really vouch for that whole relationship crap. I know that he might not like Alex James, but more than anyone, Nick just wants to find is damn soul mate. But for all we know, Alex James could be his.

God, look at me, being philosophical and crap.

"Hey Cammie, do you think you can set me up with Bex?" Grant asked.

Grant is what we would call 'thirsty'.

I'm kidding, Grant's fucking dehydrated.

"What?" Cammie asked momentarily confused, "Oh yea, right. Sure?"

"Yeah, Grant, get some of that British crumpet!" I said, giving Grant a high five.

And Cammie looked at us like we grew nine heads.

"THAT IS SO DEGRADING!" Cammie yelled furiously hitting me with her chemistry textbook.

"Not the face! Not the face!" I yelled while my other roommates were laughing their asses off.

"Don't you ever refer to Bex as a piece of BRITISH CRUMPET YOU SEXIST BASTARD!" she yelled and stormed off.

"DAMN THE PATRIARCHY!" Cammie yelled from down the hall.

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><p><strong>Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm just really lazy. <strong>

**I don't know what the hell was going on when I wrote this, but here ya go.**

**Love,**

**Danie**


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